I found this blog post from a lady who completely took the words from my head and wrote them down (minus the regionals part . . but hopefully that will come soon!) I hope there are more of you out there can relate to her and I and the battles we face daily . . but like she says at the end, 
"Work hard. Every day. And never settle for less than your best. And with  that,....do this with me--look in the mirror, tell yourself either "you  are beautiful" or "you are amazing" and change your attitude for the  day. Smile. Show the world what you have to offer. I'm about to go do  that now" 
Let's  just get down to the nitty gritty. I'm a ball of emotion right now.  Straight up cluster f*ck. I tend to build all of my emotions inside  until they are about to burst out my eyes, in turn bearing tears. And  the tears sure came. Full force. Multiple times. For no apparent reason.  My lord.
So why am I telling you this? Well, I have this wonderful friend named  Ryan who has told me multiple times since the start of my blog to be as  real as possible with my audience and they will appreciate it. Ok Ryan,  sh*t is about to get real. 
As I've entered my CrossFit life, I've changed a sh*t ton. I began  dabbling in CrossFit on my own (in a globo gym) when my best friend Jon  introduced me to it. I then began changing my diet. SLOWLY. I  disregarded the fact that diet was the most important part to a  lifestyle and thought exercise could hold me through. Obviously, I was  wrong. So I took out most grains, then took out dairy, then took out  grains altogether, then zoned, then paleoed, then paleo-zoned, then cut  out all cheating, then added in paleo cheating. Wow, that was  exhausting.
So my body changed  A LOT during that time frame. I went from almost 160  pounds to 123, then back to 130 where I stuck for several months until I  began to train for Sectionals this year. After going through a hard  break up and getting below 120, I began to train harder and harder to be  sure I would do my best through Sectionals. I also began gaining more  and more weight. And I wasn't sure why. My clothes started fitting  tighter, my butt started getting back to it's original 160lb size, and  my face started to round out more and more.
 I was excited because I was  getting stronger, but more uncomfortable because I was not my small  frame I had come to know and become comfortable with.
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| March 2009--Not quite my heaviest, but barely any muscle at time. | 
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| November 2010--Almost my thinnest...yeah, those shorts definitely do not fit now. | 
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| Regionals 2011--heaviest I've been. | 
I began not fitting into my clothes, not being able to shop anywhere  because
 my legs were too big, and not wanting to even step foot in front  of the mirror. I was incredibly uncomfortable with who I had become. I  had never received more compliments in my life, but all I could think  about was how I was "fat." Oh yeah, I just went there. 
And the most  frustrating part of it all, I was (and still am) working with amazing  women every day who I am trying to inspire to be comfortable with  themselves and to love every muscle on their body, all the while I'm  crying at home wishing I looked different. 
When Regionals rolled around, I finally felt normal again. I was around  women who looked exactly like me. These women looked strong, their legs  rubbed together just like mine, and they just oozed confidence. It was  exactly what I needed. I needed a wake up call that how I looked was not  disgusting, it was not abnormal, and it was not weird. It's how I  should look if I'm going to lift 205 pounds 45 times. It's how I should  look if I'm going to do 30 handstand push ups.
 It's how I should look if  I'm going to be THE BEST that I can be. 
But this confidence is not something I have conquered as of yet. I still  am challenged daily by it. I still look in the mirror and see the  insignificant things.
 I still see the acne, I still see the cellulite,  and I still see the lumpy areas that I will most likely always have. And  I'm coming to terms with that. You know why? Because I'm stronger and  faster than I ever have been. I am woding every day, keeping my body  healthy, and providing a life that I would never have had if I hadn't  found CrossFit.
I have struggled all my life with self confidence. I have never once  considered myself beautiful or strong. But I know one thing, I am  passionate. I have the passion to find a way to become the person I've  always wanted to be. I'm not sure I even know what that person looks  like. But I know she is strong, inside and out. And that strength I  pursue daily will lead me in the right direction.
What direction do I want to pursue? 
A direction that leads me to  personal excellence. I want to excel, I want to push through pain, and I  want to change the world for the better. Whether that be through  blogging about a recipe, inspiring someone in the gym, or pushing  through a wod to hopefully someday better my chances at making it to the  Games, I hope to change at least one person's life in the meantime.
I want to strive to be a better person and I want to base that off of  how many hearts I hit. I'm writing this blog not to complain, but to  help someone out there who has the same struggles I have. As women, as  CrossFitters, as paleo-enthusiasts, or as bloggers, all of us are  looking at blogs for a reason. To connect.
 I hope that you are able to  connect with me on a new level now that you better understand my inner  demons. Just like strength is not conquered in a day, self satisfaction  is not conquered in even a year. I blog because I love people and I love  sharing my stories and recipes in hopes inspire one person to see  themselves differently. To help someone cook something delicious, feel  better on the inside, and let that feeling transfer over to how they  present themselves daily...With confidence. With self excitement. And  with self satisfaction. 
Work hard. Every day. And never settle for less than your best. And with  that,....do this with me--look in the mirror, tell yourself either "you  are beautiful" or "you are amazing" and change your attitude for the  day. Smile. Show the world what you have to offer. I'm about to go do  that now.