Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My war with the scale

Scale. What an awful word to women in this world. This little machine compares you to the rest of society. This little machine tells you whether you are more like Victoria Beckham or Terri Smith (worlds fattest woman in 2011). This little machine causes excitement, joy, tears, anger, and frustration. So, why do we strip down to the nitty gritty, suck in, hold our breath and close our eyes every time we step onto this gadget? Because society tells women we need to be thin! The world tells us (women) two things 1.don't be fat and 2. do whatever it takes to get skinny.
Well here's my story:
I started CrossFit OnRamp in December of 2010, about a month later I started Paleo. I must inform you, before then I was a 30 min a day, IPod listener, magazine reader, with a full face of makeup on Elliptical queen. I had never picked up weight off of the floor before in my life, unless it was a huge book for school or I was moving a dresser, like most women I thought weights = bulky and manly. So, when I put crossfit and paleo together.. bam! There went the weight, but what a lot of people don't know is I was still very much a calorie counter. I had been calorie counting for years-  it was a habit to not go over that "self prescribed number." But for those of you Paleo'ers- you know calories really don't mean shit. Anyways, off went the weight. I was loving life, I weighed myself daily, sometimes two or three times a day and became obsessive over the number on the scale because finally, I was in the zone where society calls you thin.
So, here I was trying to crossfit, not eating nearly enough as I needed to, having small gains in the gym, but I was thin in societies eyes so everything was ok right? WRONG!
When you don't eat enough it and you do high intensity WODs on a regular basis, it does crazy things to your body, and well . . we'll leave it at that. Little did I know, all of the problems I was having was because I had gone from not eating enough, to trying to eat like a real human. So not only was I having issues with my body, the scale started to climb- this is the worst thing that can ever happen to a woman- so "they" tell us.
But, I was making huge gains in the gym. I was pushing more weight, I remember Shaun would tell me on a regular basis "You're getting stronger." I was eating normal, I was getting faster, and the scale just kept climbing. I couldn't fit into my size 4 jeans that I had "busted my balls" to get into but I felt better, I looked healthy and now I didn't have jeans that fit. Whats a girl to do in this situation?
I decided to just stop getting on the scale and focus on my performance in the gym. Well I eventually had to go back to the doctor and when I did the first thing he said was "why'd you gain 20 pounds?" and I'm like WHAT gain T-W-E-N-T-Y pounds!? I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. I knew I had gained weight, but not nearly that much. Questions raced through my head, tears fell from my eyes, and now what? I didn't look 20 pounds heavier. I looked more athletic, I looked strong, most importantly I was happy, so why was he jumping down my throat? Couldn't he have just been humane and asked if I had changed something in my life or my diet? the answer to this question is NO.
Since that day I refused to get on the scale. I continued to eat like a normal paleo'er and again have been seeing great gains in the gym. I don't have to freak out February 1st because Spring Break is just around the corner, it is September and I am already in shape and wouldn't mind going to the beach right now.
 But I did something out of the ordinary today. I got on the scale. Just as I had expected, it was up, once again. This time the number doesn't tell me "I'm Fat" the number tells me, you've been busting your ass lately. The scale shouts to me, "You're still getting stronger," "Hey, I can tell you were in the gym 6 days last week, keep it up!" "Startin to see those abdominal peek through, good work" Stepping off the scale, not in disappointment or in excitement, I felt my legs . . yep just as I had expected, hard as a rock. I manged to look at my arms that were screaming at me "you climbed the shit out of that rope yesterday!" and then my belly it just says "Keep me tight!"
Here's my point: I know that there is some girl out there getting on the scale religiously not seeing the numbers she want's to see. Instead of being disappointed, I challenge you this: ask yourself, "how's my performance?" "am I getting stronger?" "do I have more energy?" You can always cut the number out of the back of your jeans. . or scribble it out and make it a 4 . . but you can't replace the way CrossFit and eating right makes you feel.
Find out whats most important in your life, what the scale says? or being strong enough to do a 201 dead lift? looking like a barbie? or living until your 105? a guy calling you "skinny fat"? or athletic? It took me a long time and a tough battle to change my thinking and find out what is important to me. . .  so what's important to you?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"Work hard. Every day. And never settle for less than your best. And with that,....do this with me--look in the mirror, tell yourself either "you are beautiful" or "you are amazing" and change your attitude for the day. Smile. Show the world what you have to offer. I'm about to go do that now" - PaleOMG

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